To pass by time and life...

...that is one of our worst habits as citizens of the "free world". We could be doing something productive - working, earning our keep, living and enjoying life - instead we sit on our asses in front of a computer or TV and waste away to fat, mindless slobs. Ah, America the great, indeed. We're all a bunch of fucking hypocrites. Hell, I'm no different. Have homework, I'm sitting here typing to no one for no real purpose, and when I can't think of anything to write I scrape at a discolored mole on my arm. Might be cancerous, runs in the family... hope its not.

New developments, I have issues with an old crush. He left over the summer, and things changed in my mind regarding him. He has no idea at this point, so me pushing him away is really confusing him and possibly pissing him off because I seem like I'm being a bitch, which I might be, depending on how you look at it. Background: Him and my best friend dated for a couple months, and during those months - I was unaware of this little affair, mind you - I grew very fond of the boy. After I found out, I was in a funk for several weeks, and started to turn my emotions on him, resulting in bad vibes emminating from me and bouncing to him, since I "can't" be mad at my friend. However, I shouldn't and have no reason to be mad at him nor her; one can't control other's emotions and actions, and they had no reason not to go out - their personalities mesh very well, and the chemistry is obvious. I suppose that's what I'm mad about: I envy them and what they have. At this point, it's an inward battle, trying to convince the emotional mind what my rational side already knows.

What is life without love? Lonely. What is life with love that isn't returned to you? Deadly.