Ok, my final post for a while. I've decided to make this blog as public as I'll allow, so only a limited and select few will be able to find it. Please keep in mind I tend to be a huge exaggerator and get lost in the groove of things, so my previous posts are not exactly what they seem to be. There are about 20 of them though, feel free to read any, all or none.

I believe I have effectively surpressed my feelings for Poison and chico and moved on to greater things... aka... *smile*. I don't know what to expect now. I'm still a bit jealous of Poison and spastic, but I honestly want her to be happy, she deserves it. He is a different story, I can't quite pinpoint what my problem is regarding him; I like being around him, we have fun, and I guess that's all that matters. Chico has always been a matter of timing, and right now is not the time. I'll always wonder what would or could have happened had things not changed... that will be one of my inner regrets that I'll tell myself I'm happy about. He deserves more that what he's been put through; I hope things begin working in his favor. He's moved on, and I think I finally have too. Even if it wasn't for *smile* I think I'd be glad about this decision. I have all these obsessions... he said it was a good thing... I find it just to be a temporary bout of insanity.

I can be happy if I learn to let go. I want to let go so badly. My entire life is a matter of timing. Life is time. Time is all we have. I don't want to waste it on negative feelings.

I still don't know what to expect. I've want something unpredictable for so long. These have been the best years of my life, despite all the issues and arguments and secrets and lies and... everything. I love it. This is truly what I live to love. The passion, the emotion, the everything. Thank you so much for everything, you made my life worth living. Hell, you've given me life to live.