I am
I am unpredictable in my emotions, but consistent in my attitude and personality. Mood swings are an understatement, but it'll have to do for now. Highs, lows, damnit, I should have been a guy, I would be so much better off. Hm, what to do... My dear, life tell me, you may get fucked with feathers or chain saws, but remember, everything will heal if you give it time and don't agitate the wound. Don't hold it against the rapist, they can't comprehend the damage they are doing unless they experience it; unfortunately those that have can be the most dangerous, because they want others to suffer with them. Misery loves company... is happiness the evasion of reality? Seems to be that way. Anything is possible as long as you refuse to believe the contrary.
Damnit, damnit, damnit... oh, the point of that horrible analogy before? Ha, let me remind the viewer that I have a torrent of issues just waiting to blow up in my face, and briefly update on poison. I don't give a tiny rat's ass what he does, as long as he leaves me out of it. Yeah, lies, I do care, far more than I wish I did, but reading previous entries it's not as serious as it was made out to be; he was a brief infatuation, not even sure why now. It's not necessarily him, but spastic who I'm having problems coping with now. She and I, there are so many unresolved and unanswered questions, secrets, it has built up and now... But anyway... where is this going... I don't know... that's the biggest problem, isn't it? No one "knows"; everyone has ideas, but they won't share them, so we continue living blindly and stupidly.
Ok, how about this. I know what I want -- I want chico -- and I know what I can't have, that being the same individual. I'm too scared to take it, too lazy to work for it, and too stubborn to break my habits of doing this same shit every time. Maybe I realize that it probably won't work, so why try...? What I've been trying to figure out... do I love him? I've known him -- recognizing his name and face don't count in this -- for over 2 years. I've noticed him for more than that, liked him for most of it, and wanted him for nearly a year. Relationships are the one aspect of my life that I have the least control over, but only because I won't take the reigns.
Damnit, damnit, damnit... oh, the point of that horrible analogy before? Ha, let me remind the viewer that I have a torrent of issues just waiting to blow up in my face, and briefly update on poison. I don't give a tiny rat's ass what he does, as long as he leaves me out of it. Yeah, lies, I do care, far more than I wish I did, but reading previous entries it's not as serious as it was made out to be; he was a brief infatuation, not even sure why now. It's not necessarily him, but spastic who I'm having problems coping with now. She and I, there are so many unresolved and unanswered questions, secrets, it has built up and now... But anyway... where is this going... I don't know... that's the biggest problem, isn't it? No one "knows"; everyone has ideas, but they won't share them, so we continue living blindly and stupidly.
Ok, how about this. I know what I want -- I want chico -- and I know what I can't have, that being the same individual. I'm too scared to take it, too lazy to work for it, and too stubborn to break my habits of doing this same shit every time. Maybe I realize that it probably won't work, so why try...? What I've been trying to figure out... do I love him? I've known him -- recognizing his name and face don't count in this -- for over 2 years. I've noticed him for more than that, liked him for most of it, and wanted him for nearly a year. Relationships are the one aspect of my life that I have the least control over, but only because I won't take the reigns.
posted by K.M. at 11:58 PM
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